Long Way Down
by Spellcastre
Summary: My First songfic. Set to Goo Goo Dolls Long Way Down. The memories have driven him to Battousai. When he leaves her again, she won't take it this time. And Kenshin questions a love left behind. A K+K story.


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Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is not mine. It belongs to the great (and actually talented) Nobuhiro Watsuki. And the song "Long Way Down" by the "Goo Goo Dolls" isn't mine either. It belongs to, well, the Goo Goo Dolls. This story is merely for entertainment and will not be earned off of. 

A/N: I first heard this song on an Utena AMV by serfinDoug. Then he gladly sent me the MP3 (just because I wanted it and couldn't find the darned CD.) While listening, I was thinking how WELL this song fit to Rurouni Kenshin. 

BIG thanks to serfinDoug okay? Hehe. Then I found the lyrics on a site.

So I could finally get started. It was hard to fit it all but I hope you enjoy this songfic. It's my first actual finished attempt so I hope not to get put down. 

It takes place somewhere in Jinchuu. Everyone knows about Tomoe but neither Kenshin nor Kaoru have admitted their feelings yet. 

Thanks and Enjoy! 

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Long Way Down

A Rurouni Kenshin Songfic

By Spellcaster the Diamond

Kenshin sat down on the steps of the dojo. It was a dark night, a lonely night. This night his memories of Tomoe had gotten him so far in frustration he began to change. Change into his former self again.

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Oh, here you are

There's nothing left to say

Kaoru found herself restless tonight for some reason. She finally gave up and walked out to the steps, thinking she could sit down and think. Maybe she could become tired again and get some sleep. Then she saw Kenshin sitting on the steps. There was something different about him though. She walked a little closer to him. "Ken…shin?" 

Kenshin jerked his head to face her, an angry look and amber flicker in his eyes. Kaoru jumped back, stunned. 'That amber, that's his Battousai signal. But he's not fighting anyone. He's not supposed to do this for no reason.'

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You're not supposed to be that way

Kaoru slowly made her way towards Kenshin. "Kenshin, why are you--?" Kenshin kept staring at her, his hand fighting against both sides of himself trying not to reach yet trying to reach his sword at the same time. 'No, Battousai, I won't let you.'

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Did they push you out?

Did they throw you away?

'These memories are haunting you, Rurouni. Let these terrible memories bring you back. Don't make me torture you any longer. Make me become you again.'

'I'm not supposed to be affected by memories!'

But the Battousai finally stuck Kenshin's hand to his sword. However, the Rurouni kept him from drawing it and flipping the blade.

"Kaoru, listen. The memories of Tomoe are causing me to fight with myself. I'm worried about the safety of the people I care about."

Kaoru just stood there, stunned at the sight she was seeing. And he had just called her Kaoru. No honorific. Just Kaoru. And what he had just said. Was he leaving her again?

"Kaoru I'm frightened about everyone's safety. I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you but I don't want you to be killed by my memories. By my past. I'm sorry."

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Touch me now and I don't care 

When you take me, I'm not there

Kenshin managed to remove his hand from his sword long enough. He walked up to Kaoru and sadly planted a small kiss on her lips. He began to feel the Battousai drown his body again. 

"I'm sorry Kaoru. G…Goodbye." He sadly turned around and took off. 

Kaoru stood there in shock. She traced her lips with her finger. Just where he had planted his sad kiss. 'He really didn't want to leave. But he left me none-the-less. He…left me again. All alone. I want to take him back but I can't. He's gone.'

"KENSHIN!"

She tried not to cry with all her might, but no matter how strong she was, Kenshin leaving her was her weakness. She collapsed against a pillar at the entrance and began crying just as the rain started to fall.

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Almost human, but I'll never be the same

Kenshin had run a long ways. He finally felt the rain. It was falling hard on his shoulders and kneeled onto the ground. 'My old weakness made me leave my new one. The Battousai made me…no, I was worried. I was to worried about what I would do as the Battousai and I fled. I might've been able to fight it but I FLED! I'm a coward….'

The memories began to finally overtake him and he close his eyes and let them resurface inside.

"If only I could live a normal life. Assassins aren't human. I could've been, but I chose a different path. I can't be the same. I'll become inhuman again."

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Long way down

I don't think I'll make it on my own

Kaoru had sunk to the bottom of the pillar, her thoughts flooding against her tears. The dry tears in her eyes became her thoughts. 

'I need Kenshin beside me. I found out after this while, being accustomed to him beside me. I found out I need him. I can't make it on my own!'

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Long way down

I don't want to live in here alone

More thoughts crossed her mind after this thought flicker on a whole mind conversation.

'I hate being alone. Kenshin was the first to fill my lonliness. I don't want to be alone!'

She began to build up strength in her mind. She began to stand.

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Long way down

I don't think I'll make it on my own

'I need him here. So I won't let him leave me again. I can find him. I know I can.'

She had finally stood all the way up.

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I never put you down

I never pushed you away

"I didn't do anything to you Kenshin! I didn't automatically go searching for you last time you left! You won't leave me again. I won't let you Kenshin!!!"

And with that she began running down the streets to find him. He couldn't have gotten far.

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You're not supposed to be that way

Tears fell over Kenshin's own eyes as two memories collided with him. Like a picture with two layers. Two things happening at the same time. He could see Tomoe…he could see her dying. He could see the pain on his own face as she made the final mark on his face.

However, at the same time, he could see when he first left Kaoru. The pain on her face the first time he ever said goodbye.

"You can't find me this time Kaoru." He said in the voice of the Battousai. "I can't go back to you. And I won't go back to you."

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And anything you want

There's nothing I could say

'I caused this pain for both of them,' Kenshin thought. 

'They were burdened with my presence. With my feelings. They're sadly alike in so many ways.'

Kenshin opened his eyes, they were flickering from both violet and amber now. 

"But one thing is different." He said and sighed. "Kaoru, you have what you need. You have life. YOU are alive. She isn't."

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Is there anything to feel?

Is it pain that makes you real?

Finally his eyes stopped at amber again and he shut them tightly. 

"To-moe…" he said in a sad tone.

'What would you want? To make the pain inside worse then it already is? What would you want for me?'

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Cut me off before it kills me

'I don't care if you're not here right now. Tell me or there's no chance to live!'

"Tell me NOW Tomoe!" He screamed aloud.

It was suddenly like he was in a different void. It was still as black as the inside of his eyes, but there were white ripples flooding the ground. He could see them. His eyes were open.

As he looked up a little, he could see something. His eyes widened. 'Tomoe.'

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Long way down

I don't think I'll make it on my own 

Long way down

I don't want to live in here alone 

Long way down

I don't think I'll make it on my own

Kaoru was running down the streets. 'Where are you Kenshin? I will find you no matter what. Wherever you are.'

Feelings and thoughts ran in her mind. Things she couldn't stand, things she couldn't do. And then the feeling of loneliness filled her again. 

'Push me ahead to find him loneliness. Hurry, you never know what he might do. Push me even to tell him how I feel. Maybe then the cursed memories will rise from him. Maybe then he'll stay with me.'

She said to herself as the lonely feeling became strength and she ran forward.

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I never put you down

I never pushed you away

Finally Kaoru stopped running. She was in a forest she could see. She felt something in the air. It felt like what she felt like when she was around Kenshin. 'I never did anything to you Kenshin. I'll get you back though. I've found you.'

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Take another piece of me 

Give my mind a new disease

Tomoe looked at Kenshin, her face bearing a sad look in her eyes.

She floated down a bit and reached her hand out to him. Kenshin brought his hand up to hers.

"What was that, anata?"

"What would you want for me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I…I mean do you want me to reverse back to myself just because of your memories or should I go back to Kaoru? It doesn't matter I still want to know how you feel about it!" Kenshin yelled out.

Tomoe looked at him a bit harder and moved her face closer.

"Oh, I have been watching you. You love that girl named Kaoru."

"Yes…yes I do. I apologize."

"Anata! There's no need to apologize to me." 

And with that she kissed him. A small kiss but a sincere one.

"I love you, Kenshin. I would only want you to be happy. So go back to the girl and don't let my memories be a curse. Please, let them be a way to move on. Go back to Kaoru. I want you to be happy with her."

Kenshin smiled at her, and despite herself, she smiled back.

"Thank you Tomoe."

And then she disappeared into the darkness.

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And the black and white world never fades to grey

Kenshin woke up. And what a sight he did see.

Kaoru was sitting next to him. 

"Kenshin…" she said to him.

"Kenshin there's one thing I must say."

He blinked a few times. "Yes?"

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Long way down

I don't think I'll make it on my own 

Long way down

I don't want to live in here alone 

Long way down

I don't think I'll make it on my own

"I…I love you Kenshin. I want you to come back. Please don't leave me alone again Kenshin."

Kenshin gave her a sincere, happy, and loving smile.

Kaoru blushed a deep crimson. "I'm not sure if you feel the same way. But you kissed me and it gave me the courage…"

Kenshin then pulled her into a tight embrace and gave her a sincere kiss, longer then the last.

When they finally broke it, he said to her,

"Is that a good enough answer Kaoru?"

"Yes Kenshin. Yes it is. Now shall we go home?"

Kenshin nodded and the new couple headed back to the dojo as the rain stopped falling.

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On my own

They won't be lonely anymore.

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On my own

A/N: Oh my. This is actually…good. I just re-read it and I quite liked it. The ending didn't match the best but I still liked it. I hope you enjoy it too. It's my first oneshot and first songfic you know. The idea just poured out of me. I think I've spent a few hours on it actually. Haha. And right now I'm sick so this felt good to write. Oh did it EVER! Oh, and if you want the MP3, you can AIM me or email me! (My profile.) Well, please leave a review and let me know what you think. Should I ever write another songfic again? Thanks for reading! -Spellcaster. (~Almost Human, but will never be the same.~) Hey it fits me too! ^~


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